Warning: This may be one of those posts.
My hope is that in sharing this is if anyone is struggling with what I am, it will be of some help. . .
This homeschool year has been so "off" for us!
- and it's only our second! -
We've already been dealing with the extreme cut in pay for me to be home, but it's been more than that. It's been stressful. Unorganized. Frustrating!
There are plenty of places I could put blame for my new go to emotion, Panic.
- I could blame my house for being so tiny yet so full.
- I could detest my husband's job for changing his schedule so that he's here while we are learning (try keeping a 9yo boy's attention when his HERO is in the next room! Impossible).
- I could whine about the lack of funds for field trips and got-to-have resources.
- I could also have a bad attitude and LOATHE going to work. . . . I'm still working on that one.
Yet, I know homeschooling is God's will for us. I can't explain it but this IS what I am called to do. It. just. is.
So, why isn't it working?!
It's about the heart. EVERYTHING with God is about the heart.
This week, while
It seems my focus had shifted from training my son's heart, to thinking, worrying, OBSESSING over what I was teaching and whether it was good enough when I compared it to all the homeschoolers I knew.
~ Yes. I made it about me. Again. ~
I am thankful for homeschool friends and all the advice and opinions that are so readily available through social media, BUT, we mamas need to remind ourselves that God called US ~ as we are ~ to be mom/teacher of our children.
Each of our children has a God ordained purpose in life. A calling. Our main concern ~ MY main concern ~ should be submitting ourselves to the Holy Spirit. Not only in homeschooling, but in everything! How else will We prepare them to do the same?!
We truly screw up when we compare ourselves to others. I'm afraid we homeschoolers may even struggle a bit more than others in this area. It's so easy to be impressed by pictures that fill our news feed with happy kids doing awesome, genius, things.
But, they are just pictures.
Just a split second glance into that families homeschool life.
I believe God wants ME to focus on my son's character and heart, so that's what I'm gonna do. Every decision will be placed in His hands, where it belongs.
My child is not your child. Your child may be meant for scientific genius while mine may be called to be a missionary. Both callings are great. Both can be used to glorify God. The scientist shouldn't look down on the missionary because he doesn't have a Ph D, yet the missionary shouldn't exalt himself for the sacrifices and works he's given to the ministry. Both can be humble servants of the King.
We could even continue on this train of thought for our judgment of the method of schooling used by others. . . . even those choosing to send their kids to * gasp! * public school! Dun dun DUNN!
* I might add that I know this first hand as my oldest is in 7th grade at our local public school. Admittedly, this isn't my ideal plan for his life. However, I know God has a plan for Austin and I trust Him. I have and will continue to pray for him as God leads me, but I will not be fearful for his future simply because I can't have my way. *
So, back to homeschooling:
I will encourage my son to spend quality time with his dad instead of interrupting them and forcing him to complete his math sheet. I will let him compose his own songs on his piano instead of nagging him to stick to his sheet music every time. I will pray that God show me how to prepare this still tender heart for whatever He has planned for it. Above all, I will pray for my focus to stay on Christ, because I know that's God's ultimate will for me.
Lord, help me to focus on You and always yield to Your Spirit in all I do. Amen.